TRASH COMPACTOR

It appears that judges are not exempt from the progressive over reach of California leftists. Democratic Majority Leader Senator Ellen Corbett feels that requiring a judge applicant to reveal their ethnicity, race and gender is simply not enough in order to produce the right judicial balance in this silly state of statutory stupidity. She now wants to know all about their sex life because in her opinion, that’s vital info when rendering decisions based on statutory principles. Thanks to Corbett, the Administration Office of the Courts is now required to collect and release aggregate data relative to a justice’s gender identification and sexual orientation. This requirement also extends to currently seated justices.

In light of this new absurd, unconstitutional, immoral and completely unnecessary requirement, an anonymous judge friend has allowed me to share with you his answers to the newly required personal information questions:

1. Please state your Gender Identification: I am male by chromosome count but I do get emotional sometimes when watching the Lifetime Movie Network and I like the feel of nylons against my skin.
2. Please state your Sexual Orientation: Ok, that’s a bit of a toughie. On Monday I prefer woman. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a Monday thing I guess. Tuesday through Friday is a man/woman toss up depending on my mood, the weather and how things went on Monday. Saturday is a free for all, trips to the petting zoo, bondage games,….I’m not sure how to classify that one and Sunday is a day of experimentation; nothing is off the table. Hope this helps!

Juris Prudence is in good hands in the sunshine state; if you’re a Shetland pony.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has passed a new law banning food donations to charitable organizations that feed the hungry because he fears the food might not meet newly adopted government standards regarding salt and fat. I guess his pal the emperor realized that he couldn’t promote child hunger programs if there weren’t actually any hungry children so he has instructed his loyal subjects to go out and make some. Charitable organizations in New York City should just disregard this ludicrous Orwellian take over law and join the new class of criminals currently developing in this country as a result of liberal government intrusion. Maybe Attorney General Eric Holder can send federal SWAT teams in to suppress any and all acts of non government approved charity.

I ordered a beer at the San Francisco Airport in January and the waitress had the nerve to ask me for a picture ID. I bought a patio set with a credit card the other day and the salesman asked to see my picture ID. I rented a car in Hawaii and had a show an ID and then I needed one to drive it. I checked in for a flight at the airport and had to produce a picture ID. I picked up a package at the post office and had to show an ID. If I want to buy Sudafed for a cold I need a picture ID. I need a picture ID to buy alcohol and cigarettes, coach a youth sports team, cash a check, rent a video, buy spray paint, pick up concert tickets or maybe even  see an R rated movie. If I want Obama food stamps, Obama housing, Obama schooling, Obama phones or Obama bucks of any kind I will need a picture ID.

The only people I have ever seen in my entire professional career who don’t have ID’s are criminals, illegal aliens and dead people. So why is the emperor trying so desperately to prevent states from requiring picture IDs in order to vote for their representatives in government? Exactly……….Because protecting the integrity of the ballot box is only essential in a democracy.

The emperor’s government funded, General Motors built Chevy Volt has proven to be a miracle of green engineering. GM’s chief executive officer Dan Akerson has just now admitted that they failed to put into place a protocol for first responders when a Volt is involved in an accident. Why a protocol you may ask? Because the Volt’s lithium battery is highly charged and will explode and kill you and any passengers or first responders who disengage the battery wires incorrectly, or even correctly. There is no manual or protocol which clearly informs the owner or firefighter/police officer at the scene how to avoid a ride on a mushroom cloud to heaven. Add that pearl of terror to the existing problems with spontaneous fires, the 25 mile range and the $40,000 price tag and you have the classic government funded green hell hole prototype. GM has temporarily halted production and if you count Obama bucks given to GM for this project into the per unit calculations, each Volt sold costs over $600,000 of your tax dollars to build. Utopia!

Current and soon to be former Sheriff of San Francisco County Ross Mirkarimi has put the bay area left wing posse on mute. Their hand selected progressive Sheriff recently pled guilty to false imprisonment charges after his arrest for domestic violence and dissuading a witness. Mirkarimi did everything in his power to get himself out of the mess by attempting to intimidate witnesses and coerce the victim, his wife. His actions make him a disgrace. He is a proponent of providing inmates with marijuana and his employees are repulsed by him. He smacked his wife around, prevented her from fleeing and then behaved like every criminal I ever arrested when caught; Lies, deceit and threats to those who were witness. My question is this; where is the outrage from our cadre of American female liberal derelicts like Jane Fonda, Gloria Steinem, Sandra Fluke, Whoopi Goldberg, Nancy Pelosi or Hillary Clinton? Aren’t his actions just another example of hate in the war against woman?? Oh that’s right…he’s left……

The latest report from the Congressional Budget Office indicates that the ten year cost for Obamacare has almost doubled already from 900 billion to 1.76 Trillion dollars. Every conservative who originally called BS on Barry was soundly shouted down by the left. They were right. The greatest socialist quote of all time still belongs in the trophy room of Nancy Pelosi when she uttered the now comical words when referring to Obamacare, “You have to pass the bill in order to see what’s in it.” Well we see now. No further questions your honor.

The country of Greece is bankrupt and basically insolvent. Excessive and corrupt government spending, tax cheats and a huge contingent of government entitlement programs of every shape and size has put them right where they deserve to be. So what does Greece do in response to this catastrophe? They create another protected class and add one more group to the welfare roles and guess who it is? PEDOPHILES! In Greece, convicted child molesters and those with pedophilia are now entitled to government funding for up to 40% of prevailing Greek wages! Apparently these poor Greek child rapists have a disability and the sensitive, caring and compassionate Greek government will not turn their backs on these troubled souls. But those other Greek citizens who are in wheelchairs and prosthetics have discovered that they actually receive a lower percentage of government funding for their condition then child molesters. The Greek Ministry of free Sh_t is currently besieged with an alarming number of government dependents who are afflicted with a yearning desire to have sex with children. I’m done.

DOORWAYS AND DEMONS; THE FINAL FOUR AND HALF HOURS.

Sitting on a bike seat about the width of a cucumber for five and half hours and 112 miles can be brutal. The imposing headwind that fought us 5 miles from the finish continued its assault all the way to the transition area where race staff guided us in with air traffic control like hand signals to ensure a slow and safe dismount. The end of the bike leg had arrived and I was delighted to be standing upright as I quickly replaced my helmet and cleats with a visor and running shoes. I ran out of the changing room and was directed to the exit chute leading to the final leg of the Florida Ironman Triathlon, a 26.2 mile marathon.

For most people, running a marathon requires serious training, discipline and mental toughness. For Ironman triathletes, attempting to run a marathon after cycling 112miles and swimming 2.4 miles requires a complete loss of your mental faculties. You simply cannot allow yourself to contemplate or appreciate fully what you are doing because it’s completely absurd. Realistically, all you can do is spend months training your mind and body to be as mentally and physically prepared as your age, lifestyle, body type and genetics will allow. After that, every Ironman will tell you the same thing. It’s simply a battle of will.

I ran through the exit chute and started the marathon course. During the first mile my legs felt like two bags of  post hole cement and my heart rate shot up as my body began the adjustment period from biking to running. If you are new to triathlons this can be a terrifying feeling and it is very easy to snap mentally and give up. The body is adjusting to the activation of new muscle groups and body positioning and nobody is immune to it; you just learn to accept it and work through it. Eventually, if you start out fairly conservatively and show some patience, the heart rate will settle and the muscles will begin to feel better. Certain types of workouts during training replicates this condition which allows more experienced triathletes to avoid the anxieties that newer athletes will experience.

The two loop run course was fairly flat and meandered through some residential neighborhoods before entering the outer lands of an air force base. The first thirteen miles was not pleasant and I could feel my body deteriorating rapidly. Two knee surgeries 17 years ago left me with no cartilage in my left knee and during my long training runs it became more and more evident that my distance running days were numbered.

I made the turnaround at the 13.1 mile mark in 2:07 and started back out for the second lap. My halfway time was right about where I had planned but I knew based on my current state of physical fatigue that trouble was ahead and the remainder of this run was going to get ugly in a hurry. But then again I knew this moment was coming before I started the swim almost seven hours earlier. I knew this was coming ten months earlier when I began my initial training regimen for this race. I knew this time would arrive and I thought about it every day. It’s why I swam over 200 miles, cycled over 6,000 miles and ran 1,000 miles. It’s why I worked out twice a day, spent hours doing resistance training and abdominal work. It’s why I lost 25 lbs, observed a strict diet plan and got plenty of sleep each night. It’s was why I was there; to meet the demons. It was the cruel lure of Ironman.

The latter portion of the marathon leg of an Ironman triathlon is where the soul is exposed and the battle of the mind is acute. At mile seventeen I met the demons and passed through a doorway into a new frontier of suffering and self discovery. My left leg lost all ability to rebound off the ground after each stride. I could no longer hold down solid food or even gels and turned to chicken soup. In order to stay focused on the present I made it my goal to simply reach the next half mile marker. When I reached it, the goal was to reach the next one and so on.

At mile 21 my body was trying very hard to convince me I could no longer run. I decided to run to the nutrition stops and walk through them while drinking soup. Those 30 seconds or so allowed me to collect just enough physical strength to run again and hopefully get to the next stop. I did that for three more miles.

At mile 24 I was catatonic. Another runner collapsed in front of me and didn’t move. I was temporarily distracted and tripped over the body, nearly crashing to the pavement myself. I did everything in my power not to fall because I was seriously afraid I would not be able to get up. The next two miles might as well been a hundred.

 I passed the 25.2 mile sign in a complete stupor. My thighs and armpits were raw and bloody. The salt released from my body stained my racing singlet and made a ghostly silhouette around my body. I became concerned about the possibility of leg collapse and wondered if my body would veto all further directions from the brain and shut down operations.  

The last mile was filled with supporters and they were not about to let me or anyone else quit. I had to run continuously for the last mile and somehow reach deep down and find the strength to finish strong. The pain in my ankles, calves, knees and thighs was off the chart and I could no longer take in nutrients of any kind, but that didn’t matter anymore. I bored a hole into the roadway ten yards in front of me and simply ran. Somewhere a few miles back I had separated from my physical self and no longer really acknowledged anything.

The massive finish line came into view and the long finishing chute was lined with hundreds of screaming supporters. I picked up my pace in defiance of all known physiological laws and from three thousand miles away, my wife watched on live streaming video as I crossed the line. There are no words that can describe the emotions of that moment. I managed to stay upright and avoid the body catchers as a female race official approached and took me into her custody. She draped a blanket over my shoulders and began asking me a series of simple questions designed to ascertain whether I was coherent or in need of emergency medical attention. I must have produced the right answers. What a day.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

I lived a lifetime in eleven and half hours that early November day and I am grateful to have had the opportunity and ability to experience the journey that got me there. Like most other ultra distance participants, I am drawn by the mystique that surrounds the concept of personal limitations. It is what drives me personally and provides for balance in an otherwise unbalanced world. My fiercest competitor and most daunting adversary has always been myself and I find the challenges to exceed myself to be exciting and motivating. It’s a frontier of discovery that will never go away or be truly conquered. It’s not simply a matter of time, speed or placing and it’s not dependent on age or physical prowess. I feel lucky that I have this need, this desire and this drive to find a challenge and go after it. While others may bemoan those who strive to accomplish something for personal reasons, I embrace my condition and give thanks every time I step out of the water, get off my bike or finish a run. I also have tremendous admiration to those co-workers and friends who share this condition with me and we share a common lens with which we view the world.

We all have our own frontiers of personal discovery that lies outside those pre-established limitations that we so conveniently place on upon ourselves. I encourage everyone to remove the word “never” from your vocabulary and find your personal frontier. Embrace fear and doubt as a motivator and go for it. Whether that frontier is to quit smoking and swim one length of a swimming pool, or run a mile without stopping, or 100 miles, it’s all the same. It’s nothing more then breaking away from your personally imposed barriers because despite what Captain Kirk says, the final frontier is in the mirror.    

SIX MORE HOURS

This is the third of four segments chronicling my experiences at the Florida Ironman Triathlon  last November. If you missed the first two, check out “Five Minutes” and “Thirty More Minutes” from the blog archive…………

Lap two of the Florida Ironman Triathlon swim leg was relatively uneventful. No more fist fights or kick boxing. A few more Pink Meanies hung around and watched us swim but seemed to avoid me. The important thing for me personally was maintaining proper form and relaxing to prevent fatigue while maximizing efficiency in the water. Thirty two minutes later I emerged again from the ocean surf at the swim exit point and ran straight through the chute. The swim was over and became history the second I hit dry land. I pulled the wetsuit top down to my waist while running out of the water and then fell onto my back in the wetsuit removal area while two race volunteers each grabbed a leg and pulled the suit off all together. I was somewhat out of breath due primarily to the trauma induced by suddenly standing up and running after being horizontal for so long. I swam 2.4 miles in just over an hour. I knew the time was pretty good but completely meaningless because in a triathlon, swimming is the shortest and arguably least significant leg of the race. The irony here is that you train like crazy just so you can complete it without getting tired because if you are physically fatigued after the swim in an ironman distance triathlon you are in deep caccadoodie and that’s certainly no way to start a 112 mile bike leg!

Before the race I had set a pacing strategy and was on schedule and feeling pretty good heading into the bike leg, but then the weather decided to get involved in the race. An unusual weather system had moved into the panhandle causing windy conditions and lower temperatures. It was 46 degrees with a 20 MPH headwind as I jumped, soaking wet and half naked onto my bike. I exited the transition area and set out on the one lap 112 mile bike loop around the Florida panhandle. Within ten minutes I lost all feeling in my hands and feet.

You may have heard the phrase, “staying in the moment” at some time or another. In Ironman the words are almost gospel. In long distance events of almost any kind the ability to stay focused on the present can be a critical component for success. Cycling 112 miles in a triathlon requires a focused mind because it lasts for several hours and can be boring. Music devices are strictly forbidden and outside of paying enough attention to avoid crashes and rule violations, there’s not much to do but peddle and think. So you think about things like pedal cadence, aerodynamic body positioning, hydration and food intake because they are all important considerations during a long bike race and you will pay a steep price later if you fail to pay attention to any one of them. You may also drift a little and think about your first dog Trixie when you were five years old or the time you streaked in the city police department fountain on a bet with your college buddies. Anyway…back to the whole focus thing……

So that’s what I did for five and half hours. I paid attention, mostly. I had salted baby red potatoes in my top bar storage container and numerous packages of nutrition gels scotched taped down my bike frame, overlapped like roofing to make access easy. I had two 20 ounce water bottles filled with performance drinks and a small container in a back pocket with salt pills. During the course of my ride I ate approximately five bananas, all eleven red potatoes, five gel packs, one Cliff Bar and six- twenty ounce bottles of fluid. The bananas and fluid were provided at 10 mile intervals throughout the course. The first 56 miles was tough. Headwinds made for a slower pace then I had anticipated. The second 56 miles was basically back the way we came so we enjoyed a tailwind most of the way which allowed for me to make up some lost time. Along the route we encountered patches of spectators’ banging those irritating cow bells that somebody must like. I always enjoy seeing the sons and daughters holding up signs of encouragement to their moms or dads. I know that these kids will not really know what their parents are truly experiencing until later in their lives. It will be really cool when it hits them though.

At about the 95 mile mark my lower back got tight and painful. I had been bent over riding in the time trial position for several hours now and it was taking its toll. My legs were also experiencing fatigue issues and I could feel a noticeable reduction in my pedal rotation power output. The tailwind I had enjoyed for the last two hours had now become a cross wind and would soon change directions again. The Grim Reaper of old age was tapping me on the back but I wasn’t about to turn around and look at him.

This was the time in the bike leg that required some increased mental focus and positive thinking. I think it was Vince Lombardi that said “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” and in the course of an Ironman triathlon fatigue can certainly become a major negative if you allow it to. Through countless hours of training in the fatigue zone, I had practiced focus, positive thinking and objective sensory analysis of my physical state in preparation for this race. This may sound somewhat robotic, but it’s simply a matter of detaching your emotional self from the concept of pain or discomfort as a negative and treating them with no more emotional significance then objective sensory inputs to assist you in your decision making. This is common among ultra distance athletes. These inputs are important however and when considered in the context of the moment can be vital when making tactical decisions during the race.

In this particular instance I made the decision to stop pedaling, abandon my aerodynamic riding posture and stand straight up on my bike, allowing my neck, back, hamstrings and calves to stretch out and get a temporary reprieve. Doing this obviously caused me to slow and arguably lose time but the few seconds I would give up now was nothing compared to the time I would lose later if I chose to ignore the issue all together.

The last 5 miles of the bike leg was an act of cruelty by Mother Nature. We were right on the shoreline and a brutal 25 MPH wind shot right down our throats and reduced our speed from 24 MPH to around 8! I had to dig farther into the effort bag then I would have liked, especially considering what was waiting for us at the end and I knew what everyone around me also knew but didn’t say. The end of the bike leg meant the beginning of the third and final leg of the Ironman Triathlon. Things were about to get excruciatingly real. 

HYPOCRITICAL OATH

The progressive’s war on Christianity and conservatism continues to build momentum. What used to be a litany of tongue in cheek, off color inferences spat forth by the liberal media and Hollywood is no longer necessary in large measure due to the empathetic and supportive nature of the emperor and his subjects. They are coming straight at you now. 

While NBC burned Rush Limbaugh in symbolic Efficacy with their “firestorm” coverage about his name calling of a woman’s right activist at Georgetown, ABC proudly showcased their class act with a new Sunday night show called ‘GCB” , short for “Good Christian Bitches”. Don’t hold your breath if you expect any apologies to be forthcoming and look for consistent episode themes that will portray Christians behaving in a less then Christian manner.   

Name calling and disgusting personal attacks are the hallmark of liberal conflict management and agenda advancement. Progressive liberalism does not adhere well to the issue of absolute moral order and they will attack anything and anybody that seeks to operate or live within such. Nothing can be declared as clearly good or evil and they resist being tied down with the whole judgment thing; unless of course you’re not one of them; then its game on. Someone with faith or serious personal commitment is a thorn in the side of those that depend on constituencies with loose moral underpinnings for their political livelihood.

Rush was wrong and apologized. Fluke and the liberal media refused to accept his apology because it would diminish their ability to act aggrieved at the whole episode. How then do liberals fair when held to the same measure of professional civility that they demand from conservatives? Let us see……

Amanda Marcotte is an author and blogger who has written a couple of books on progressive politics and has made clear she dislikes males and Christians. Marcotte posed this one person Q&A;

Q: What if Mary had taken Plan B after the Lord filled her with his hot, white, sticky Holy Spirit?

A: You’d have to justify your misogyny with another ancient mythology.

How classy…..

And comedian Kathy Griffin?

“A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. Suck it, Jesus; this award is my god now!”

I’m sensing some hostility there. And possibly a incoming bolt of lightning.

If you’re a Christian with an established set of morals, it’s more likely you may not be in favor of abortion, gay marriage, teaching young school kids about anal sex or eliminating the word Christ in conversation during Christmas. And then again you may, but either way you consider your personal feelings to be your personal choice, but if it conflicts in any way with progressive agendas, then you can bet you will be subject to horrible name calling and religious persecution. And don’t wait for an apology. Whether it’s Christianity or conservative female role models, progressives have set a standard in name calling vulgarity that conservatives could never and would never hope to achieve.

Liberal MSNBC host Ed Schultz called conservative radio show host Laura Ingraham a “right-wing slut” and a “talk slut”. I’m still waiting for the “firestorm” news report from Brian Williams.

Liberal radio talk show host Bill Maher, who recently donated $1 million to a pro Obama super pac called Sarah Palin  the ‘C’ word(rhymes with hunt) and a dumb “T” word(twit with a different vowel). He also called Michelle Bachmann and Palin “Bimbos”. I missed the media outrage on that one to.

And who can forget James Carville’s remark to the media when Paula Jones accused Bill Clinton of sexual harassment. “Drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park; you never know what you will find.” Clinton later paid out $850,000 to the trailer trash. Media condemnation?

In 2009 David Letterman referred to Sarah Palin as a “slut”. Charlie Sheen called her a “whore”. Can I get an outrage anybody?

Jimmy Fallon introduced Michelle Bachmann onto his TV show while playing the song titled, “Lyin Ass B___”. Rolling Stone Magazine described conservative Ann Coulter as a “Skanky B___ Whore” and called the recent passing of conservative Andrew Breitbart as, “Death of a Douche.”

One thing all these liberal media folks have in common is the lack of a sincere apology or sense of professional misconduct for their words. Being a progressive means never having to say you’re sorry. Whether the attack is on Christians who just want to observe their faith in all their faulty humanness or strong conservative woman who have the audacity to exhibit moral compass, it’s all the same. The complete lack of personal or professional accountability by liberals who demand it from everyone else represents the greatest act of sickening hypocrisy I have ever witnessed and I think I know why.

I believe I know why conservatives allow these egregious acts of disgusting character assassination by the left to go on without rebuke. Why would conservatives fail to hold liberal misconduct up to public scrutiny or ridicule?  Because progressive liberals have no credibility in the eyes of conservatives and they don’t take anything liberals say seriously. Conservatives are not going to run amok feigning anger and acting offended. Conservatives understand it is a waste of time and childish behavior of that type is better left to 16 year olds and liberals. Conservatives see it as more of a mental disorder then anything else; hence it gets the level of serious attention normally dedicated to the drunken uncle at Thanksgiving. They are viewed as one views a circus clown. Kind of funny sometimes, but scary and creepy most others.

On the other hand conservatives are obviously given great respect by progressive liberals. They take heed at what conservatives say and listen intently to the message. This clearly explains the hysterical reaction by liberals when a conservative says something shocking and inappropriate. They are deeply disappointed and upset that a conservative would behave so much like an angry liberal. Liberals expect a higher standard of conduct from conservatives. They know better then to hold themselves up to any  real standard of decency so they count on conservatives for that. It’s a silent respect we conservatives have always known but have maybe taken for granted.

So if I may speak for Rush Limbaugh and conservatives all across the fruited plains. Thank you progressives wherever you are and thank you media. We failed up to live up to our high standards and you made sure we were held accountable. And don’t worry; we know better then to return the effort.

PARDON MY INCEPTION

A female Georgetown law student by the name of Sandra Fluke was verbally assaulted by Rush Limbaugh during one of his radio talk shows last week. Fluke had previously testified before a congressional committee regarding the forced contraception mandate issue and Limbaugh used her as an example of the absurd by being absurd; a tactic long used by Rush as a method by which to paint a clear picture for his listeners. Fluke explained to the committee that the cost for her to purchase birth control for the entirety of her law school experience could be as much as $3,000. Rush pounced on her like a hungry hyena and used some inappropriate language to describe Fluke’s lifestyle while exposing the absurdity of the emperor’s new mandate by claiming Fluke would like taxpayers to foot the bill for her to have gargantuan amounts of sex while she gets her law degree. Rush also called her a name normally reserved for woman who by trade get paid to have sex with their customers.

Limbaugh in my opinion showed no class and used poor judgment by using a young female college student to detail his points on the whole contraception mandate. Never mind that Miss Fluke put herself out as a target by getting involved in the whole debate on such a public forum. Never the less she is somebody’s daughter and has a right to make her opinion known without being called a prostitute by a nationally syndicated radio talk show personality. Anyone who has listened to Rush for any length of time knew exactly what he was doing and why. Now lets get to the issue.

Fluke laid it out clearly in her dissertation before the committee and I want my valued and respected female readers to help me out here. What is the government doing forcing health care organizations to provide free contraception to woman? Do you (females) really want the government in your bedroom? Do you really need a government mandated entitlement present in your personal sex life? Has it ever been or is it now a significant issue in your life? Have you ever been put into financial hardship or had difficulty obtaining birth control when and if you needed it?  I’m not setting up an argument here; I really want to know because from my perspective this is all so crazy it’s hard for me to be serious about it.

The last time I checked, free contraceptive devices were already available by your local department of human assistance and several private local organizations if you could not afford to buy them. And isn’t it a personal issue for each individual woman as to how they treat the subject of birth control relative to their personal beliefs and lifestyle? I can’t fathom any woman, from the tree hugging left to the radical right, wanting the government of the United States involved in this issue what so ever( I will show you how wrong I am later). Is it even an issue at all or is this just another step by the emperor to fling us into the Orwellian abyss?

Rush did his fellow conservatives no favors by tearing into Miss Fluke. Like zombies who are awakened and turned into frenzied cannibals by the scent of blood, the emperor’s media machine sniffed out the smell of gender warfare and put their republican hater game plan into effect. The emperor’s mouth pieces immediately churned out a succession of reports on their lightly viewed cable networks that Rush Limbaugh’s comments were representative of the entire Republican Party’s historical desire to control woman’s reproductive rights and take away their freedoms. Really? If anyone reading this honestly thinks there is any legitimacy to that I would like to hear from you. This issue is yours to the extent that this particular mandate affects woman. I wouldn’t dare assume to have a clue about what you may be feeling but the emperor feels he has just found a way to secure the young female voter in this country by manufacturing another victimization scenario based on a newly created freebee. Is he right?

My personal experience with woman leads me to believe that the emperor has miscalculated his target audience and has directly insulted your intelligence. I think he mistakenly clumped you in with his new army of welfare dependants. But I know that unlike men, who have maybe three or four wires in their head that control food, sex and sleep, woman have multiple harnesses of wiring going in a billion different directions, computing and analyzing a gazillion inputs all at the same time. It can be frightening. How does Barry not know that? Does his arrogance transcend common sense? Or is he a genius in that he feels gender warfare will have the same success that he is having with class warfare and race warfare? Is the younger generation of woman today less sophisticated and intelligent? I don’t see it. Somehow I don’t see the woman in my life and work place going to a park in order to protest and poop. The woman I know managed to cope with the complexities of contraception without the emperor’s help. They also managed to have careers and raise families without his guidance. If there is truly a problem with the female contraception issue, is it because woman are having difficulty accessing it or affording it? Or is it more a matter of personal accountability and responsibility for a man and woman? A little of both? Does today’s woman need or want to be sexually tethered to Big brother? Come on ladies…….give this old cave man a little sumpim sumpin to think about.

Illustrating absurdity by being absurd is Limbaugh’s Modus Operandi and probably not the best time right now for me to do his bit, but I no tact anyway so here we go. I watch PGA Golf. Apparently the networks that broadcast the golf tournaments think every man watching has erectile dysfunction because every other commercial is an advertisement for “woody” medication. Ok. So old guys like to watch golf, and some old guys tend to loose their flumparumpkin as they get older. Can I anticipate then that someday soon the emperor will be issuing another mandate to HMO’s that forces them to provide free hardening agents to all men who need them? In no way do I mean to compare this to the female contraception issue but if the emperor will get involved in a woman’s birth control, what’s next? Will I (knock on wood; excuse the pun) someday be entitled to this medication free as a “right” because I am a victim of the dreaded flumparumkin?

Now as for poor Miss Sandra Fluke. I would like to expose this woman for who she really is. Fluke has described herself as a third year law student at Georgetown University, and indeed, that is what she is. However, contrary to the sad sack of innocent victimhood that portrays her as a innocent little 23-year-old girl caught without contraception on a college campus full of predatory men, Fluke herself is really a 30-year-old women‘s rights activist who not only didn’t get caught without contraception at Georgetown, but specifically knew the university didn’t cover it and chose to attend for precisely that reason. In one of her first interviews she is quoted as talking about how she reviewed Georgetown’s insurance policy prior to committing to attend, and seeing that it didn’t cover contraceptive services, she decided to attend with the express purpose of battling this policy. I wonder if the emperor knew this before he personally called her to share in her pain and suffering.    

Never the less, shame on Rush. Regardless of the politically charged atmosphere surrounding our increasingly divided country, we need to observe limits and put forth at least a modicum of civility in our discourse and disagreements. Insulting the ideas is one thing, calling someone a personally vulgar and completely false name is quite another, even when that person is a lying, ethically vacant liberal left wing wolf in sheep’s clothing and arguably deserves no better. Maybe it was just a Fluke.

PROGRESSIVE REDUX

You may have noticed lately that I often describe people of liberal taint as progressives. I use this term as a gesture of deference to our left leaning brethren who seem to come apart emotionally nowadays when they are referred to as liberal. I am fascinated by the negative reaction I get when using the term liberal in a conversation with someone who is by all manner of description a liberal. I recently asked a few left leaning folks how they would describe themselves. All but one said they were progressive. None of them used the word liberal.

The use of the word liberal has definitely taken on a negative connotation. Liberals now prefer to be described as progressive because it sounds modern, powerful and forward looking. I have “progressives” in my life that are hard working, tax paying, generous, loving, supportive and genuine people. I wouldn’t trade them for the world but when I throw out the word liberal in the course of a conversation things always get tense. They act repulsed at the use of the term. For some reason they don’t care for “that word” anymore nor do they want to be labeled as one. I can understand their animosity toward the word so I use progressive more and more where appropriate. I’m a softy cone.

I am also a pillar of objectivity so I would be doing them a disservice if I did not let progressives know that they have already tried this word long ago and ditched it. In the early 20^th century people of liberal ideologies proudly proclaimed themselves as progressives. But when their racist/fascist agenda was soundly rejected by the American people they threw the word out, changed clothes, combed their hair and proudly declared themselves liberal.

I have no particular heartache with allowing liberals to rebrand themselves as progressives so that they may shed the baggage and animosity that liberalism has so rightly earned. Polls have shown that “liberal” is unpopular, so there is hope that people won’t feel the same way about “progressive”. Will it fly?

Progressives are in love with the idea of a powerful and controlling federal government. Progressives want the individual to be subjugated to the collective will of this almighty government. Progressive = good. The distortions and lies from the progressives of the 1930’s were nothing short of fascist. They worked feverishly toward establishing a biased media and socialist controlled educational systems. Yikes.  How ironic that the progressives today seem to be riding that same pony. Do you think they would have balked at this name change had they studied this countries history a little? Does history matter to them or are they positioning themselves to pick up where the communists left off?  

Indeed history has flushed leftists, liberals, progressives, or whatever they wish to call themselves down the drain each and every time their agenda is exposed for what it really is, and sooner or later, America rejects them. The emperor got elected by coining the phrase, “Hope and Change”; a true progressive feel good phrase that warms like a good cognac. Picture an aging Hollywood actor (progressives love to get their motivation and marching orders from them. It feels good) sitting in a leather chair in front of a roaring fire, wearing a cardigan sweater, emotionally promoting the virtues of Hope and Change. I think I feel a tear welling up. But would Barry have been elected into office if he used a phrase like, “I will spend us into financial ruin, eliminate your freedoms, rape the constitution and turn all ya all into welfare automatons”? I doubt it. It doesn’t quite roll off the tongue right. Not even Leonardo Decaprio would touch that role.

Hope and Change ended up as a series of bumper sticker jokes shortly after it served its purpose for the emperor. The word liberal has been similarly relegated to junk bond status, hence the re-birth of the word progressive.

The Repubs are having a tough time putting a presidential candidate out there that doesn’t make half the conservative population grimace. They all seem to be dead set however on convincing potential voters they are the more conservative candidate. And make no mistake; conservatism is a word no one has ever seen a need to change. The word conservative has never taken on a shameful connotation or been declared anti-American and it has never been rebuked as an ideology, just pushed around here and there by the politically vitriolic left. You will see few if any conservatives get bent out of shape and spew forth ad hominem attacks at people when they are called conservative. But walk up and call someone a liberal and see what happens. They get mean and nasty. When was the last time you heard Democratic politicians proudly proclaiming themselves the most liberal?

I have this strange sense that the term progressive will eventually (d) evolve into something synonymous with radical leftist ideologies which may just result in the return of the term liberal as a mainstream description for those who are more moderate. The emperor is scaring the begeezus out of a lot of people and moderate liberals who are in favor of honoring our constitution and maintaining some levels of personal and religious freedoms are getting sweaty palms. Maybe someday the word liberal will experience resurgence in respect and credibility and liberal people will again embrace its meaning. How’s that for progressive.

BEAR NECESSITIES

Last summer I rode my bike up to Bullard’s Bar Lake to meet up with a group of friends for a camping trip. The 85 mile jaunt took less time then anticipated and I arrived at the campground before anyone else. I had no food to eat and nothing to do but wait for others to show up. After a while I got bored and walked over to the campsite entrance and began reading the camping instructions and rules posted by park rangers on a large wooden billboard. The very first rule of the campground read;

“Please do not feed the Bears. If you give food to the bears, they will come to expect it and become aggressive. You will be putting future campers at risk.”

I thought about this for a minute. If campers regularly give food to the bears, then the bears don’t have to work for their meals and have no need to hunt. They simply show up at the campsite and partake of the garbage du jour and whatever else is offered them. They are satisfied and happy. They come to expect the free food and grow accustomed to the routine. They have no need to learn how to hunt or fight for their food; it’s simply given to them. They aren’t going to go out and wonder the hillsides and valleys looking for sustainable nutrients when it’s readily available with little to no effort at the local campground. Ask Yogi.

Now why do you think the park rangers are so concerned about campers feeding the bears? The campers most likely have more food then they can eat and so it seems reasonable that they offer their picanic basket leftovers to the friendly neighborhood bear population. What can possibly be wrong with that? It’s an act of generosity and compassion. It shows we care. If feeding bears is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Could it be the park rangers know more then we do? They must know from experience that bears become accustomed to getting their food free. They must also know that when bears regularly get their food free, they come to expect it with the same regularity. When that regularity is interrupted, they become divas and turn all grouchy. Grouchy bears can tear campgrounds apart and rip faces off. That can be problem for a stingy camper with no food.

A problem that the union representing the bear population claims is the campers fault. Some campers refuse to provide food that the bear union claims rightfully belongs to the bears. The bears have been told that they are entitled to the food. They feel strongly that humans have too much food and should hand it out to those bears who failed to learn how to hunt for their own. After all, they should not be expected to hunt because their food has always been given to them and hunting is hard! It also stigmatizes bears as manual laborers and second class animals. Anyone who demands that bears find their own food is obviously a heartless Bear hater!

Of course the rangers know what the bears believe, but every time they try to convince the bears that they would be better off in the long term learning to procure their own food, the bears get together and occupy the ranger station, leave bear scat everywhere and tear garbage dumpsters apart while eating hallucinogenic berries.

Eventually, the park rangers probably came to the conclusion that the bears simply didn’t care to survive on their own and felt entitled to free food forever. They had no choice but to make the tough but crucial decision to post the no feeding signs at all campgrounds and enforce it. The rangers installed bear proof food containers and maintained a tenacious vigilance in enforcing the rules…………...

****So how would you like this to end? In order to show some sensitivity toward your personal feelings and preferences, I will provide you with two different conclusions to this episode and you can decide for yourself which one you prefer! *******

1. The bears grew frustrated that their free food was gone. They howled and yelped with cries of unfairness and they grew hungry. They met with the leader of the animal kingdom, an arrogant self centered Lion who hated campers. This lion took got great satisfaction knowing that the bears would become dependent upon him. He gave them meat and comforted them. He told them he would make things fair and feed them all forever as long as they were devoted to him. The bears were happy and their bellies were full!  The lion sent his pack of hyenas to pester and harass the campers as punishment for their selfishness and greed. The campers eventually stopped coming and the campground withered and died. The bears soon realized that they were now totally dependent on the arrogant lion. The lion told them great stories about valleys full of free food and sweet honey; he convinced them he had their best interests in his heart but nothing he said ever actually came true. He had lied to them all. Then the day came when the meat was gone. The bears discovered that the meat they received from the lion for their devotion this whole time had been stolen from the very campers he chased away with his hyenas! No campers meant no meat! Hungry and betrayed, the bears had no choice but to eat the lion.

Or

2. The bears grew frustrated that their free food was gone. They knew that their young cubs had to eat and they could not afford to expend any more energy damaging property and whining about the rules. They sent their strongest and fastest bears to cross the great forest in search of other bear who knew how to hunt and survive on their own.  They learned the great hunting and foraging skills they lacked and returned to their bear community where they shared the knowledge they had obtained. Over time, and after significant effort, the bears were able to feed themselves and their cubs. The ensuing generations prospered greatly and over time the campers returned to the campgrounds. The bears told their cubs about the great food starvation of their ancestors so that they would never again make the mistake of becoming dependent on handouts for their survival. The arrogant lion despised the bears, who did not seem to want or need his free meat. The arrogant lion tried to send his hyenas to steal meat from the bears for his other followers but the hyenas had grown lazy and fat. Without meat the arrogant Lion and his dependents grew hungry and weak. The lion swallowed his pride and asked the bears for food. The bears agreed to help the lion and the others, but required that they participate in the hunting and foraging. The lion and his hyenas took on responsibilities and became skilled hunters. They had meat for themselves and meat to trade for lettuce and fresh nuts. They realized that the work was hard but rewarding and they developed a sense of self worth and respect for others. The lion had learned a great lesson about the animals in his kingdom.

                                                               I love a happy ending.

THIRTY MORE MINUTES

I have had many friends, family and co-workers ask me what it is like to compete in an Ironman Triathlon. My friends in the Ironman Tri community have expressed frustration with their inability to effectively express to others what goes on in the mind and body during such an event. I’m not sure it’s even possible. I would imagine most Ultra distance athletic events are like that. How does one describe running 100 miles?

I wrote a prior posting called Five Minutes and got a tremendous response from many readers who wanted to know more about the event itself. I initially did not want to write about such a personal experience but changed my mind. I will do my best to intermittently write about this event in a manner that is hopefully somewhat interesting to you and attempt to do so in such a way that you get some idea about how the experience was perceived by me personally and how it affects other aspects of life. Its not however a venue of writing that I am comfortable with so be patient with me and if gets really crappy…find the delete button! Enjoy…….

         

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Relax you mind for a moment and close your eyes. Picture yourself in the temperate waters of the Gulf of Mexico. You’re wearing a full body wetsuit, a tight neoprene cap is snapped over you head and ears and you are wearing swimming goggles that cover your eyes and restrict your field of vision. You’re treading water, bunched together with more then 2,700 other people. Feel it. It is cramped quarters; you feel restricted and a little claustrophobic. You can’t see anything around or over the other bobbing heads. The wetsuit you’re wearing feels constricting and you’re not sure if you can expand your chest fully to take a breath. Imagine at that point in time, with all that is running through your mind, somebody in the water next to you screams, SHARK!

Everyone in the water panics. Two thousand eight hundred swimmers convulse all at once and take off in a frenzied life or death water stampede! You are all desperately trying to swim in the same direction to get to the same spot. Bodies all around you punching and kicking each other, grabbing and pulling; some literally on top of others in what looks like a scene from the movie Titanic. But wasn’t it just a few moments earlier you spoke with these very same people? These highly conditioned, highly driven Ironman Triathletes? They were all courteous and respectful. Well wishes going out all around. There appeared to be a mutual respect for each from each as a token of admiration for the sacrifices and determination each put forth. Just moments earlier we were all members of the same fraternity. We shared a special bond; a bond forged into our souls by the months of training and discipline. To a person there was mutual awareness, there was a mutual calling and there was a mutual understanding of why we were there. It was all surreal and at the same time comforting. And then someone yelled shark.

Ok, so maybe nobody really yelled shark, but the canon explosion that signaled the race start produced the same result and mayhem broke out. I darted out with the first major pack of swimmers in the Florida Ironman Triathlon. My swimming skills had significantly improved over the past year thanks to a local Masters Swim Team and 10,000 to 12,000 yards of training each week in the months leading up to the race. I prepared further by competing in two chilly open water swim events earlier in the year; racing from Alcatraz Island to Crissy Field as part of a triathlon, and from Angel Island to Tiburon in the waters of the San Francisco Bay. I felt like I had fully prepared for this swim. What I had not prepared for however was the UFC cage fight that came with it!

For the first 10 minutes I did not take a stroke that didn’t hit somebody in the arms, feet, back or face. I was the recipient of the same assault. Weren’t we all racing buddies a minute ago? A swimmer behind me attempted repeatedly to grab my ankle every time his arm came forward. At his fourth attempt he got a hold of it and tried to pull himself forward by using me as a counterweight. I was left with no choice but to introduce his face to the heel of my left foot. Problem solved. Just moments later, another swimmer on my right and slightly behind me was trying to grab my shoulder with his/her hand and pull me back. When attempt number five arrived, I aborted my right arm rotation, slowed slightly, tucked the elbow in close to my torso and used it as a battering ram, driving it into the offending party’s shoulder. I think that one hurt.

We turned left at the first buoy a half a mile off shore. I encountered a male swimmer next to me on my left going precisely the same speed with the same stroke count. We did our best synchronized swimming imitation but something was not right. Neither one of us could swim straight! Our synchronized swimming debut quickly deteriorated into game of bumper cars. Fortunately he was a right turn swimmer and I was a left turn swimmer so we kept each other on a straight course to the next buoy. I believe he realized this about the same time I did and so we shared an unspoken moment of understanding and patience. We bumped each other all the way the next buoy and turned left to head for shore.

My bumper buddy disappeared somewhere after the second buoy, but I had other issues to deal with. I had just swum into a group of Jelly Fish, known by the locals as the “Pink Meanies”. Yes, they were pinkish and their sting was notoriously unpleasant. I swam through the group of pink meanies like a submarine navigates itself through depth charges. Fortunately for me most of them were just below the surface and I went right over the top of them, careful to keep my hands shallow. Unlike many others, I made it through unscathed and picked up the pace as the shore exit came into clear view. I could hear the announcer’s voice now and the thousands of spectators lining the shore provided me with a burst of adrenaline and an easily identifiable exit point. As I drew closer the ocean bottom came into view as the water grew shallow. After almost exactly 30 minutes, I stood up for the first time and ran out of the surf onto the beach. Gravity pulling blood away from my upper extremities caused a mild lightheaded sensation. The screaming from the spectators was deafening and the announcer was broadcasting our times.

I ran through the official timing chute, turned left and ran back down the beach for a short distance. I took a deep breathe and jumped right back in the water. Time for Lap two.

 

SNAP OUT OF IT

Since the emperor took over the White House, the number of Americans on food stamps has risen by a jaw dropping 14 million. Good for him, more government dependents = more voters. Latest figures show that one out of every seven Americans is on food stamps. That comes out to about 46 million people. The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) is the federal program that dispenses tax payer money to these 46 million recipients, most often through banks who contract with the government to issue EBT cards to be used in a manner similar to credit cards. JP Morgan and Bank of America to name two.

The emperor needs a lot of votes this November in order to remain perched upon his lofty throne so he went to the dependency trough again this week by announcing $75,000 grants to groups who come up with new and novel methods to get more people on the food stamp program. You heard me correctly; your emperor is actively soliciting groups to get more people dependent on government entitlements and then rewards them by handing out your tax dollars as a thank you! I never seriously thought I would be writing this very paragraph in my lifetime.

If it is possible to add stupidity to this injury, the emperor’s Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack gave it a shot by making the following statement:

           

“I should point out, when you talk about the SNAP program or the food stamp program; you have to recognize that it’s also an economic stimulus. Every dollar of SNAP benefits generates $1.84 in the economy in terms of economic activity. If people are able to buy a little more in the grocery store, someone has to stock it, package it, shelve it, process it and ship it. All of those are jobs. It’s the most direct stimulus you can get in the economy during these tough times.”

If you remember not to far back, the emperor’s Spokesperson Jay Carney told the citizens of this country that unemployment checks were the most direct stimulus the government can provide. Well gentleman….which one is it?

Using Vilsack’s logic, the government should just give every citizen in this country about $3,000 worth of food stamps, which by his math would create about $1.6 trillion in economic activity! Obamanomics 101. Get used to it. How does one unemployed person create 1.84 jobs? I don’t know either, but according to the emperor’s spokesperson and Secretary of Agriculture, this economy will only reach its full recovery when we get everybody on unemployment and food stamps. I’m kicking myself for not figuring this out on my own! If this advanced economic theory confuses you, let me help…..It’s the same mathematical calculation that supports the science of fuel consumption (In the Twilight Zone). That being if you have a half a tank of gas and drive 200 miles to your Aunt Gertrude’s house, you will have a full tank after you get there! Isn’t that great!

To be serious, the emperor knows that by seizing control of your livelihood, he has a good chance of keeping it forever. What he is really after is your self respect and dignity. Once you resign to being a recipient and stop trying, it’s over. Look at government supported facilities and housing projects. They’re garbage dumpsters. When you become dependent on the government for everything, you lose all respect for anything, including yourself. 

The ever expanding sphere of increased entitlement living is moving across the social landscape of this country like a fungus. Welfare recipients can already obtain free cell phones and service and you’re paying for that in your monthly bill. Check the universal fee next time your bill arrives. Metro PCS hands them out with pre authorized minutes to all those who fill out the indigence form (drug traffickers thank you). Several other carriers like Safelink Wireless and Assurance Wireless offer similar programs for welfare recipients.

Comcast bought NBC earlier this year and the FCC threw in a mandate requiring them to provide internet access to low income households for a drastically reduced price, usually $9.95 a month. I pay $65.00 for the same service. In some parts of the country it’s altogether free.

Medical and Medicare will take care of medical problems. An emergency room physician recently gave a radio interview on a national afternoon talk show. He picked one day at his job site as an example. 29 patients came into the emergency room. Of the 29, 27 were on medical. Of the 27 medical patients, only 2 needed to see a doctor at all. The two who did could have made an appointment with their doctor but did not want the inconvenience of making one, so they came to the ER where it is free for them either way. Only a few spoke English.

Want someone else to fill your gas tank? Get on welfare. A bill has been introduced in congress that would give eligible households money for gas. It’s called the “Low-income Gasoline Assistance program Act”.

So if the federal government can provide you a free place to live, a free phone, free internet, money for food and gas and free medical coverage,why go to work for 40 to 50 hours a week for a low to moderate paying job when you can live the same lifestyle by just letting the emperor provide your needs? As long as you’re “eligible” there is almost nothing that cannot be purchased for you or subsidized by the federal government.

I am not insinuating that we do not help people that need it. We will always need programs to help take care of the poor but this has gotten completely out of control. It has become not only an industry unto itself but a major tool for the Democratic Party and the emperor as they work to transform a once free country into an Orwellian nightmare.

The emperor is currently attacking the Catholic Church and freedom of religion (unless you’re Muslim). He has made it clear that he does not endorse the free market or capitalism. He wants to redistribute wealth and advocates Marxist/Leninist principles. He has put his support behind the looters and poopers of the occupation movement. He has stoked the flames of class warfare at every opportunity. He has invested your money and lost it all to failing energy corporations that were backed by his friends. He is considering giving our missile technology to Russians in defiance of congress. He divides us when he should be unifying us. He is a great orator who has no personal attachment to the truth what so ever. He is a disease with support from the diseased. I think Stephen King is behind all this.

The emperor is calling for complete and total surrender of your individualism and self worth. He wants your soul to. He can’t succeed without it. He can’t have mine. You? 

 

GONE FISHIN

 

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Chinese proverbs are fascinating to many because they can say so much in just a few words. Proverbs can be very thought provoking and when my thoughts are provoked they tend to defend themselves. So I wonder how this ancient phrase of wisdom would weave itself into the fabric of some of our current political trends and philosophies. Let’s have a little fun at the same time and throw it into a medieval time theme shall we!

In the Kingdom called USA, the emperor begrudgingly lets people learn how to fish and catch their own. This is not the emperor’s way however; he would prefer you just take the free fish he gives you and let his government do the fishing. For those independent, hard working fisherman who do well for themselves, there exists the constant danger that you may incur the wrath of this emperor because you have too many fish. This also creates anger and jealousy among his loyal subjects who don’t think fishing is worth all the hard work. They will grow full of discontent, complaining that it’s not fair that you have more fish then they do. They only get one free fish a day from the emperor.

And because you did not support the emperor in his attempts to have fishing regulated so as to favor his friends and supporters, he will be forced to send his Chancellor of the Exchequer Eric Holder to seize your fishing equipment and boat because they suspect you of disloyalty to the kingdom.

Now the people of the kingdom who were given their one free daily fish decided they should get two fish a day because you and the other fisherman who went out every day and worked from dawn to dusk had two. They didn’t want to fish for their own food so they decided to pitch tents in your cottage yard and poop all over your plum orchard. The plum orchard you tended after working all day to provide your family with fresh fruit. The emperor’s subjects don’t want you have more then they do so they block access to your boat in the morning and you cannot get to work. The unruly crowd grows loud and smelly and they yell weird chants and smoke sweet smelling plants. They are angry because, according to them you have too many fish and you won’t re-distribute them among everyone……for free.

You cannot understand why so many subjects of the kingdom are angry with you. Before you decided to learn how to fish for yourself, you received the same free fish as the others and everybody received you well. Now you work hard to make a decent life for your family and they throw rocks at you and ruin your plum orchard. You already have to give the emperor half of all the fish you catch each day when you return to the dock and he is giving those fish to the very same subjects who are turning your property into a cesspool. The emperor then stands up in front of his subjects and announces that you are an evil fisherman who does not pay his fair share of fish. He forsakes you and your hard work and proclaims this inequality of fish to be unfair and supports the smelly poopers who refuse to fish. He declares in his empire there will be fairness for all. Why do you treat me so emperor?

Then something happens; the emperor realizes that each time one of his subjects learns how to fish, they don’t have to rely on him for their very existence. The emperor seethes with anger. He cannot understand why commoners choose to work hard all day and live free from the emperor’s entitlements. Those ingrates!

The emperor immediately seeks to implement strict regulations that will hamper the fisherman and make it nearly impossible for them survive without him! He declares by executive emperor order that all fishing lines must be made with energy efficient hemp even though the lines will break as soon as they get wet and be useless. He further declares all fishermen must use boats that run on ferry dust, a product only the emperor’s close friends and supporters have for sale. The emperor’s minions all become very rich.

The emperor declares that he has made life better for all and the kingdom is strong. He has brought fairness to the land and he commands his loyal jesters Pelosi and Reid to prepare a feast in his honor because he has declared himself the greatest emperor of all time.

But during the feast, a messenger runs nervously up to the emperor and whispers something. The fishermen are leaving! They are going to a far off land where they will be rewarded for their efforts and will not be the subject of ridicule and protest. They will be able to keep more of their fish to offer other tradesman for goods and services that help to make everyone better off. The emperor realizes now he has no one left to catch the free fish for his kingdom’s subjects!

With nobody fishing and more subjects wanting free fish, the emperor decides to make fake gold coins and buy fish from afar, knowing other generations will have to take responsibility for his irresponsible actions. His coins are not worth anything and he knows that soon the tradesmen will find out and stop selling to him.

The emperor is broke and his words have no substance. All but his two jesters are experiencing doubt in his abilities. He is hoping the upcoming emperor election will arrive before his lack of respect for personal freedom and knowledge about the human spirit is exposed and he is banished from the kingdom in disgrace. Bring me my jesters!

ETTIQUIT

I am the grocery shopper in the household. I took over this responsibility from my better half a number of years back and for the most part I enjoy doing it. I visit three stores each week; each store serves a particular need consistent with its offerings and my preferences/prejudices. Each store has its own personality and each store has its own type of customer base. I go to trader Joes; TJ’s has a host of reasonably priced healthy foods that I can choose from and the other people that shop there are cordial, polite and considerate, if not maybe a touch earthy. I hit Raleys. Raleys requires that I stumble upon a good value or store special in order to shop there, save for the last minute grab item while coming home from work, but I find the other shoppers there to be regular folk that are generally cognizant of their surroundings.  And then there’s the third store. I shop at this store for most of my basic need items because it’s cheaper then the others by a healthy margin and I am a public servant who doesn’t receive the Nancy Pelosi stock tips. That third store is Winco. Winco has a more “comprehensive” clientele then the others and you are more likely to see interesting and sometimes disturbing examples of unique customer behavior.

Now I must confess right off that when it comes to buying groceries I am a creature of efficiency. Although I enjoy bringing home the food and filling up the frig, I do not necessarily want to spend a lot of time in any one store, particularly if that store is Winco. So….I memorized the Winco store layout. Before I walk inside I know exactly what it is I am there to get. I navigate the store aisles with Indy car precision and very little wasted movement. I torment myself with the need to improve my in store time from start to finish with each trip. It’s who I am and I make no apologies. But Winco has its obstacles.

For reasons I cannot comprehend, there are those whose grocery shopping experience is not so much a chore to be crossed off the list as it is an event unto itself! This casual, inefficient, disorganized, lackadaisical behavior by other shoppers creates havoc with my routine and greatly diminishes my ability to successfully execute a pre-planned, coordinated tactical grocery trip! I have also become aware that Winco supermarket can be a place where social decorum takes a holiday; where consideration for others can often be non-existent, rules of common courtesy go ignored and parenting responsibilities are temporarily suspended. There are things I see in Winco that I don’t see in any other grocery store and very few are appealing or pleasant. Winco desperately needs some etiquette guidelines for their customers to observe. May I be of some assistance?

As an altruist, (cough cough) I cant help but believe that a well thought out series of posted guidelines, strategically placed in conspicuous locations around the store would go a long way toward making everybody’s Winco experience a rewarding one. I humbly submit to you a rough draft of selected signs with suggestions for what I call, “Winco Etiquette;”

                                             ATTENTION WINCO SHOPPERS;

1. If you have stopped in the aisle to ponder a selection please do not park your cart in the center of the aisle sideways. Move your cart to the side. This allows your fellow humans using the very same store as you to move up and down in the same aisle while you stare endlessly at two different cans of tomato sauce.
2. If you and your loved one are using the “two cart method” please do not form an impassable gauntlet with your carts while you settle a lengthy purchase/spousal dispute. Please refer to Rule #1.
3. When picking fruit or vegetables from a display, please be reminded that you are not the sole remaining person on the planet and that the carburetor you took apart just before coming to the store may have left massive grease stains on your hands.     
4. When selecting produce, please do not consider this to be an offer for a free meal complements of Winco. We encourage all shoppers to purchase their selections prior to consuming them. This allows those customers who have not yet projectile vomited watching you, to select uneaten food for their meals.
5. Please notify a Winco Employee if you have a spill or breakage. Your fellow shoppers will not directly appreciate having to perform a Triple Sow Cow from pike position after walking onto a dozen of your spilled eggs.
6. Please ensure that you have the present ability to pay for your selections. The math can be difficult, but the difference between the $157.00 of groceries you brought to the check stand and the $85.00 you brought to the store can be fairly easily recognized with the appropriate attention.
7. Please be reminded that this is in fact a Winco, not Nugget or Bel Air, so the produce at the bottom of the display is not likely to be any better then the ones on top and you won’t find a golden ticket to the chocolate factory there either.
8. Please be advised that your children are adorable and we love them here at Winco, however; we would love them even more if they would not pick their nose and then dive their hands into each and every bulk food bin.  
9. Please do not confuse our store with Wal-Mart when deciding what to wear. There is no film crew here taking horrific pictures of your choice of attire relative to your body type. Online fame is only a mile away…please leave.
10. Thank you for shopping at Winco. As you return to your vehicle please note the empty cart retrieval corrals positioned every 30 feet for you to ignore. Have a great day!

I’m done.

  

A WEALTH OF IGNORANCE

Since the beginning of the emperor’s administration he has made it clear that he is determined to rip this country to social shreds with his daily war of words condemning the wealthy in this country. His quote, “I do think at some point you’ve made enough money” is socialist lunacy.

And yet for all the moaning and sniveling —  and drum beating in Zuccotti park- almost everything that people presume about income inequality and wealth in America is wrong. It is painfully obvious that we have a serious problem with a significant percentage of the population who has no concept of the nature of wealth and how in many instances this wealth is created. Class warfare it seems thrives greatly on this ignorance about the sources of income. I can't help but believe there are those who think there is a big pile of money somewhere that is supposed to be shared equally among Americans and the rich are taking an unfiar share of it. I believe this view point stems from the misguided notion that the economy is a pie of fixed size. If one person gets a bigger portion of the pie, others then must get smaller pieces, and the role of the government is to ensure all the pieces are the same. In reality, though, the size of the pie is infinite. It is not a zero sum game. The Marxist commentators on network programming speak of millionaires and billionaires as if they are racist cretins, sexist cavemen or just plain greedy. To an alarmingly high percentage of young people, economic justice seems to mean redistributing or spreading this “pile” of money back to the rightful owners, whoever they are.

The United States of America, at least for the moment, is and has been a free society. In a free society people have the opportunity to prosper, based in large part on their personal drive, motivation, ingenuity, skill and work ethic. This country's economic expansion that we have come to expect is in large measure becuae of this inequality and would have been almost impossible without it. It would be hard to motivate most people if everyone had the same earnings, status, prestige, and other rewards. Progress and wealth must be accomplished in echelon fashion.

People with high incomes in our free society have usually demonstrated an exceptional ability to produce valuable services for their fellow citizens. Citizens that spend their own money on the products developed and produced by Microsoft, Intel, and Apple to name just a few. The people responsible for these products like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs became billionaires. They became billionaires because you and I spent our money on their product. How can anyone then justify suggesting to them they have made enough money? It is in the order of hypocrisy and selfish laziness. It is the bottom feeders of our society who will not pick themselves up, but will work feverishly to pull everyone down. A nation goes extinct in quick order when it holds the less productive up as role models and condemns the productive. The United States became the worlds most industrious, wealthy and powerful country on earth in meteoric fashion because our founding fathers took heed of the weaknesses inherent in the European system of social control and government largesse.

Thomas Edison invented the incandescent bulb and the phonograph and became wealthy. Everyone benefitted from artificial light and music. Lloyd Conover became wealthy after creating the antibiotic tetracycline and the sick benefitted from it. If they had developed the mind set of our current emperor we would have lost much of their valuable contributions to the rational that they “made enough money”. Does a free market capitalist system produce some bad apples? Absolutely. It’s not a perfect system, but it has shown itself to be the best by far. We should not throw the baby out with the bath water because of a few con artists and crooks. This country’s criminal justice system routinely lets guilty people go free in order to safeguard the rights of the innocent. We cannot demonize a tried and true economic system because of the actions of a few. Yet some of this country’s politicians seek to do just that.

Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who is in a dead heat with Nancy Pelosi for my choice as the most addle minded politician alive, recently stated flatly on the floor of the Senate that “millionaire job creators are like Unicorns, they don’t exist.” This example of brainlessness is unexplainable. Millionaires own companies. Millionaires own property. Millionaires buy things. Millionaires invest. Millionaires create millions of jobs. I can only hope that his Fantasyland statement fails to pass muster with the voters’ basic sense of economic heuristics. Here again however is another example of the assault by members of the emperor’s administration to demonize the rich and use income inequality to impugn capitalism and free market enterprise.

Ignorant, lazy and entitled people find it comforting and somehow self affirming to view capitalism as evil and benefitting only the wealthy. This philosophy is being taught in our schools and universities by socialist professors who have zero understanding of what capitalism has done for the citizens of this county because they never left the campus and got a job. Most of what they think and know is based upon what their prior professors told them to think. Evidence disputes everything they preach. Most people in this country, including those at the “poverty level” enjoy goods and services such a radio, television, air conditioning, cable, computers, smart phones, washing machines, wash and wear clothing and cars because of the efforts of the wealthy. To label them as Wall Street is wrong and intellectually bankrupt. The emperor recently told a gym full of high school students in Kansas that the free market doesn’t work. Yes the one who is called the president of the world’s most successful free market country said that. He said the free market is not fair. This should scare you.

This begs the obvious questions for the emperor. What then is fair? Who decides how much is too much and how much is just right? How much is not enough? Who decides what is equal?? Will we eventually see a newly appointed “Fairness Czar” and a staff of 10,000 fairness bureaucrats in the White House? Will we raise taxes in order to reward the unproductive in the interest of fairness and condemn and punish the productive? What happens when the productive simply stop producing because it is not fair to them? What will we do then Mr. Emperor?

If he has his way, we may find out soon.