ETTIQUIT

I am the grocery shopper in the household. I took over this responsibility from my better half a number of years back and for the most part I enjoy doing it. I visit three stores each week; each store serves a particular need consistent with its offerings and my preferences/prejudices. Each store has its own personality and each store has its own type of customer base. I go to trader Joes; TJ’s has a host of reasonably priced healthy foods that I can choose from and the other people that shop there are cordial, polite and considerate, if not maybe a touch earthy. I hit Raleys. Raleys requires that I stumble upon a good value or store special in order to shop there, save for the last minute grab item while coming home from work, but I find the other shoppers there to be regular folk that are generally cognizant of their surroundings.  And then there’s the third store. I shop at this store for most of my basic need items because it’s cheaper then the others by a healthy margin and I am a public servant who doesn’t receive the Nancy Pelosi stock tips. That third store is Winco. Winco has a more “comprehensive” clientele then the others and you are more likely to see interesting and sometimes disturbing examples of unique customer behavior.

Now I must confess right off that when it comes to buying groceries I am a creature of efficiency. Although I enjoy bringing home the food and filling up the frig, I do not necessarily want to spend a lot of time in any one store, particularly if that store is Winco. So….I memorized the Winco store layout. Before I walk inside I know exactly what it is I am there to get. I navigate the store aisles with Indy car precision and very little wasted movement. I torment myself with the need to improve my in store time from start to finish with each trip. It’s who I am and I make no apologies. But Winco has its obstacles.

For reasons I cannot comprehend, there are those whose grocery shopping experience is not so much a chore to be crossed off the list as it is an event unto itself! This casual, inefficient, disorganized, lackadaisical behavior by other shoppers creates havoc with my routine and greatly diminishes my ability to successfully execute a pre-planned, coordinated tactical grocery trip! I have also become aware that Winco supermarket can be a place where social decorum takes a holiday; where consideration for others can often be non-existent, rules of common courtesy go ignored and parenting responsibilities are temporarily suspended. There are things I see in Winco that I don’t see in any other grocery store and very few are appealing or pleasant. Winco desperately needs some etiquette guidelines for their customers to observe. May I be of some assistance?

As an altruist, (cough cough) I cant help but believe that a well thought out series of posted guidelines, strategically placed in conspicuous locations around the store would go a long way toward making everybody’s Winco experience a rewarding one. I humbly submit to you a rough draft of selected signs with suggestions for what I call, “Winco Etiquette;”

                                             ATTENTION WINCO SHOPPERS;

1. If you have stopped in the aisle to ponder a selection please do not park your cart in the center of the aisle sideways. Move your cart to the side. This allows your fellow humans using the very same store as you to move up and down in the same aisle while you stare endlessly at two different cans of tomato sauce.
2. If you and your loved one are using the “two cart method” please do not form an impassable gauntlet with your carts while you settle a lengthy purchase/spousal dispute. Please refer to Rule #1.
3. When picking fruit or vegetables from a display, please be reminded that you are not the sole remaining person on the planet and that the carburetor you took apart just before coming to the store may have left massive grease stains on your hands.     
4. When selecting produce, please do not consider this to be an offer for a free meal complements of Winco. We encourage all shoppers to purchase their selections prior to consuming them. This allows those customers who have not yet projectile vomited watching you, to select uneaten food for their meals.
5. Please notify a Winco Employee if you have a spill or breakage. Your fellow shoppers will not directly appreciate having to perform a Triple Sow Cow from pike position after walking onto a dozen of your spilled eggs.
6. Please ensure that you have the present ability to pay for your selections. The math can be difficult, but the difference between the $157.00 of groceries you brought to the check stand and the $85.00 you brought to the store can be fairly easily recognized with the appropriate attention.
7. Please be reminded that this is in fact a Winco, not Nugget or Bel Air, so the produce at the bottom of the display is not likely to be any better then the ones on top and you won’t find a golden ticket to the chocolate factory there either.
8. Please be advised that your children are adorable and we love them here at Winco, however; we would love them even more if they would not pick their nose and then dive their hands into each and every bulk food bin.  
9. Please do not confuse our store with Wal-Mart when deciding what to wear. There is no film crew here taking horrific pictures of your choice of attire relative to your body type. Online fame is only a mile away…please leave.
10. Thank you for shopping at Winco. As you return to your vehicle please note the empty cart retrieval corrals positioned every 30 feet for you to ignore. Have a great day!

I’m done.