WE'LL BE IN TOUCH

Thank you for coming in Mr. Obama. As you undoubtedly read in the job announcement, this portion of the employment application process will be an oral interview with a somewhat relaxed conversational format where we will briefly go over your qualifications and job experience relative to this position. It will help to give us a better idea about who you are and what you may be able to provide for us here. Is there anything you would like to say before we start?

“Thank you gentlemen. I am confidant that my accomplishments during my tenure as emperor will speak for itself and will illustrate quite clearly what I am capable of doing to your, I ‘m sorry…for your fine corporation.”

Thank you Mr. Obama, with that I think we will proceed;

Now I see here in your Curriculum Vitae that you managed a multi trillion dollar budget and during your time as the emperor you claim to have ‘transformed” the American economy. Oddly sir, financial records indicate that during the three years and two months to date that you operated in the capacity of emperor the national debt skyrocketed 4.9 trillion dollars. Mr. Bush, the prior leader of the country didn’t do that much damage in eight years, yet you specifically called his actions “unpatriotic” when you sought to be the new leader. How would you respond to this Mr. Obama?

“That’s an excellent question gentleman, unfortunately you denied me the opportunity to have a teleprompter installed in this office prior to the interview and I was not given a list of questions before hand in order that I may adequately disperse blame to other people and organizations.” I can tell you with all candor however that the financial numbers you present are just that, numbers, and cannot accurately reflect the complex economic program that I have personally implemented. You would most likely become frustrated if you tried to understand such complex economic dynamics. Trust me.”

I see….Mr. Obama. Your prior employer reports that as emperor you drove the national deficit to over 15 trillion dollars and cost your country its AAA credit rating for the first time in 70 years. Additionally, there is over 100 million dollars in unfunded Social Security and Medicare liabilities. Is this something you care to address here?

“Ya, I’ll address it. I’ll address it to George W. Bush in somewhere Texas, which is just south of the United States. He started it. Seriously though gentleman………I haven’t done anything that hasn’t been done before. I have just done it faster which for anybody paying attention is a clear indicator of my ability to get things done”.

All righty…..Mr. Obama. As part of your job description as emperor, you and congress are required by law to pass a budget. It is considered one of the most fundamental functions of congress. It’s been 1091 days and you still haven’t passed a budget. Not only that but you and the other democrats have criticized the Republicans when they tried to do your job for you. Response?

“Response? You want a response? I can’t get shit done when other people won’t just let me do whatever the hell I want! All this balance of power crap really gets in my way. At least now in the private sector I can have my way without dealing with other people. Gentlemen look………we’re all high level intellects here. You all know like I do that most people are simply inferior and it requires patience to work alongside them. I’ve been patient, but let’s be honest, it’s not working out and I am now willing to share my incredible skills here with you. It’s a win-win situation. Let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Point taken. Now then Mr. Obama. The unemployment rate during your predecessor’s tenure was roughly 5.3%. During your time as emperor it’s been 8.2% and that doesn’t include those who gave up looking for work all together. Not since the great depression have we seen numbers like this. We also see that you have strong support among black Americans but every statistic indicates that they are worse off now then before you took office. How do you account for these enigmas?

“What did you call me? Don’t make me get Eric Holder on the phone! Don’t you think I see what’s going on here? The American people deserve better then this!...I mean I deserve more then the American people!...No! That’s not right either…..Your deliberately trying to confuse me with facts and figures! I was the emperor damnit! I could talk a fly off a pile of horse dung! I could sell oregano and convince everyone they were high! College kids love me! It’s about the game man! It’s obvious you are all rich, white, racists, woman haters! I could have the New Black Panther Party and the occupy movement down here in fifteen minutes to put bounties on your head and feces on you lawn! Look…..I need a job ok? They asked me to leave the last one and it wasn’t fair. I’m all about fair. So let’s be fair ok? Harvard didn’t take me back after they realized I had no idea how the Supreme Court worked. The people at Subway said they couldn’t trust me to take customer money. Papa Murphy’s Pizza required that I work together with others. All the investment companies I spoke with ask me to leave immediately. This is not fair. The only company that will hire me right now wants me to hand out flyers on the street corner because they said I have  proven very capable at giving things away that don’t belong to me. Gentlemen, you’re my last shot…..your my only hope now. I sincerely hope we forget the past and look forward. I see great things for this company and I only hope you can see your way clear to give me a chance. I want to be a part of the solution now. Please?

Mr. Obama. In spite of you name calling and arrogant demeanor we will still consider giving you a chance. This company believes everyone deserves a chance to succeed. We do have one concern……….

Have you ever worked on an oil pipeline before?  

A STAKE HOLDER

Every emperor worth his tyrannical salt must have a trusty hit man at his side to handle many of the “less pleasant” activities involved in running a successful dictatorship. U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder holds that spot in the kingdom of Barry and if I may say so, he has done a splendid job implementing the emperor’s agenda. Barry knows how to pick a team and he keeps his buddy Eric very busy because there’s a lot to do. So much tyranny, so little time.

You see many people fail to give Eric the credit he deserves and I for one would like to stand from my lofty balcony perch and let everyone in the kingdom know of this man’s work. It’s only just.

Most of you may think that Eric does little more then sell guns to Mexican drug cartels who return the favor by killing Americans with them. No sir; he’s much more then that. Some of you may know him as the man who files lawsuits at the behest of his emperor against any state that wishes to protect their citizens from the lawless hordes of narco traffickers and body smugglers that have infested the southwest. Oh sure, then there are some who may know little Eric as the man who sues states that wish to operate legitimate voter operations at the ballot box. No sir. He’s far more dimensional.

 Eric also runs protection for the New Black Panther Party wherever they happen to raise their ugly heads. When the NBPP engaged in felonious civil rights violations by intimidating voters outside a polling location, it was Holder, under the direction of the emperor who chose not to prosecute them while issuing a directive to his staffers that these activities by a certain segment of the population would be “overlooked” in the interest of race relations. Nice work Eric

When the New Black Panther Party recently issued a “Wanted Dead or Alive” bounty on a private citizen who shot and killed a black man, Eric Holder, the emperor’s chief law enforcement officer looked the other way. Good lookin out Eric.

Eric is on board with his bosses’ goal of “fundamentally transforming America” to more accurately reflect both men’s secular-socialist image. And I think it serves as an injustice for us to see Eric as nothing more then an incompetent racist. He is also an extremist pro-abortion activist who cherishes the opportunity to bring the full force of the federal government down on innocent pro-life advocates. He has overseen the emperor’s forced contraception mandate to all religious organizations run through the Department of Health and Human Services and directly in violation of the 1st Amendment of the Constitution. The same Dept. of HHS, through the will of the emperor via Obamacare and enforced by Eric, attached a “final rule” requiring every American, pro-life or otherwise to pay one dollar a month earmarked specifically for an abortion service pool. This right after the emperor got up in front of all of you and lied yet again by claiming to issue an executive order banning federal dollars for abortion. Pathological liar is the term you’re looking for here.

The emperor has been using Eric to run a concerted political intimidation campaign via the federal courts. Barry has instructed Eric to go out and sue the begeezus out of the pro-life counselors and volunteers for what he deems are a violation of the Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrance (FACE) Act.

Well good news. Eric Holder recently got had his d_ck kicked into the dirt but you will most certainly not hear about it in the lame stream media.

A federal appeals court just dropped a suit brought by the Justice Department (little Eric) in the case of Holder v. Pine. Holder was suing pro-life sidewalk counselor Mary “Susan” Pine. Ms. Pine was standing on a public sidewalk offering to counsel girls about their choices. Holder couldn’t have free speech break out in his emperor’s kingdom and Holder’s lawsuit against Pine was an effort to intimidate not just poor Mary but pro-lifers around the country. The federal court agreed and ordered the U.S. Department of Justice to pay $120,000 for this frivolous lawsuit.

Holder tried to levy thousands of dollars in fines against Ms. Pine and obtain a permanent injunction banning her from counseling woman on the public sidewalk outside the Presidential Woman’s Center (PWC) abortion mill and any other “reproductive services clinic.”

After 18 months of vicious attacks by Eric, the DOJ’s case was tossed by a federal court and Eric was chastised in a scathing ruling by U.S. Distinct Judge Ryskamp for filing a case with absolutely no evidence. Ryskamp wrote that Holder’s “complete failure to present any evidence of wrongdoing” coupled with the DOJ’s curiously close relationship with PWC caused the court to “suspect a conspiracy.” Ryskamp further wrote, “The court can only wonder as to why the government chose to prosecute this particular case in the first place”. Barry would you like to take that question?

The emperor did not take this court decision with anything less then his usual arrogant pettiness and ordered Eric to appeal. A week later Barry decided to cut his losses and pulled the appeal. Had this happened during a conservative administration, the leftist propaganda machine would have had a frenzied, slobbering, thigh quivering orgasm and NBC’s Brian Williams would have had a week long “Firestorm” news report about the event. How many of you knew about it?

The senior counsel for Mary Pine was quoted, “It’s not every day that a federal judge accuses the Justice Department of a full blown conspiracy”.

We pay taxes so the emperor can have Eric turn around and use the very same money to sue you and the states you live in. It’s like paying for your own execution.

Whatever happens this November, history will forever reflect both the emperor’s and the Attorney General’s jaw dropping abuses of power and the gross intimidation of private citizens. How will we reflect on it?

DON'S EARLY LIGHT

Standing motionless and steadfast under the glow of a shadowy entryway light, surrounded by the pre dawn darkness, he waits. Clutched in his left hand he holds a blue mesh bag filled with the accoutrements of his purpose. His name is Don.

Today, like nearly every other day, Don stands by the entry door to the health club and waits for staff to unlock the door and allow him in. The club opens at 5:00 AM but Don always arrives well before then and stands at the door, adopting a subservient yet stoic posture. He is punctual and makes no apologies. That’s who Don is, and more. Don is 85 years old.

25 years ago Don hung up his robe and retired from his seat on the San Diego County Superior Court bench. He lives in Northern California largely because his children established themselves in the area. He is soft spoken and carries few words. His greetings are short and polite and he always calls you by name. Don is of unimposing stature physically. He stands maybe 5 feet 8 inches tall and weighs at the most.150 lbs. Don can be described as one of the least and at the same time one of the most impressive physical specimens at the club. Don swims.

Every morning without fail Don enters the water at the club pool and swims 100 laps. He only swims in lane one. Don gets his weekly workouts from the local Masters Swim Team coach and dutifully performs the drills as directed without variation. A 100 hundred laps every day. Don swims deliberately and painstakingly slow but he never stops. His stroke is not very efficient in terms of swimming technique and he doesn’t always look comfortable in the water but he completes his task every day, rain or shine, hot or cold. A hundred laps. You can set your clock by him.

Don is not deterred or intimidated by anything. We often conduct Masters Swim workouts at the same time in the same pool when Don is swimming and you would be hard pressed to know for sure if he even knew you were there. Accomplished swimmers and triathletes 50 plus years younger fly back and forth across the pool right next to him and Don appears oblivious. I sometimes finish a set of intervals and find myself looking down the pool lanes at Don. I become mesmerized by his clock like tempo, his barely perceptible forward motion and his refusal to stop. He is focused for sure and I often wonder where he is mentally when he swims. When Don finishes his laps, he re-assumes his polite demure manner and soft spoken brevity as he excuses himself to the showers. The next morning I know he will be standing under the light.

One morning about two years ago I walked into the gym and saw Don sitting on a sofa reading the newspaper. I was thrown off by his drastic departure from routine and couldn’t help but ask him if he lost his swimsuit. Don smiled courteously and quietly replied, “I don’t think I’m going to swim today Mike. My wife died last night. We were married for 61 years. I think I’ll just sit here and read the paper.”

I stammered through the appropriate condolences and walked, half stunned toward the locker room. I was perplexed that Don’s wife had died just hours earlier and there he was sitting in the gym lounge reading a newspaper! 61 years with this person and she was now gone. I didn’t know Don outside the club and I didn’t know him well enough to understand his behavior. Maybe he didn’t know where else to go. Maybe he needed to be out of the house or maybe he needed to be somewhere familiar. I realized that most likely Don was standing in the dark earlier this morning, under a hazy light, motionless and empty handed waiting for the gym to open. When the door opened, he most likely walked in, provided a polite greeting to the staff and walked toward the locker room. Only today he turned right and sat on the couch.

I entered the locker room and put my on my Speedo swimsuit. I walked out to the pool and jumped into lane one. I swam exactly one hundred laps and got out. I made a silent emotional donation for that effort to Don and showered. When I walked out to the lounge area he was gone.

Two weeks later on a Tuesday morning I pulled into the parking lot of my health club. Under the yellowish hazy light in front of the club entry doors was a slightly built older man holding a blue mesh bag. I walked up and greeted Don with a handshake. I welcomed him back and told him he was missed by all. Don looked back at me and said simply, “thanks Mike”.

We dressed in our swimsuits and walked out to the pool together. As I rinsed my goggles and prepared to jump in, Don called over to me and said, “Mike………she was quite a woman.”

I’ll bet she was.

EMPEROR ON HIGH

The emperor opened his big, arrogant, supercilious mouth this week and clearly displayed to the entire world why the United States needs a new president and also how a tyrannical narcissist can bring shame to the office of the presidency. His now infamous words are something to behold for sure and most assuredly cements his legacy of leadership by antagonism.

While delivering a speech in the Rose Garden, the emperor addressed the Supreme Court’s judicial review of Obamacare. He referred to them as “an unelected group of people”. He then went off the deep end;

“I’m confident that the Supreme Court will not take what would be an unprecedented, extraordinary step of overturning a law that was passed by a strong majority of a democratically elected congress”.

Unprecedented step of overturning a law that was passed by congress? The U.S. Supreme Court has been doing just that for over 200 years! It’s their job! The Supreme Court is there for the sole purpose of ruling on the constitutionality of laws and striking down those that violate it. It is a vital check in the power scheme of our federal government and provides protection to the citizens of this nation from the very type of tyranny that the emperor tries to impose. How can a law professor at Harvard who taught constitutional law make such an absurd and ignorant statement? As the President of the United States I would damn well hope he knows what the role of the Supreme Court is! His arrogance transcends belief and in my personal opinion he is either unwilling or incapable of fulfilling his responsibilities to the American people any longer. He does not even respect the constitution.

The emperor’s contempt for checks and balances and the separation of powers in this country is palpable and dangerous. So much so that he is willing to stand up in front of all of you, conservative, liberal or whatever and lie his ass off right to your face! You should be personally insulted and disappointed by his disgusting behavior. He has the audacity and unmitigated hubris to issue a warning of sorts to the highest court in the land if they do not bend to his will. This from the President of the United States!!

Fortunately for us the framers of the U.S. Constitution saw Obama coming and established a system of governance that would prevent one person or one faction from gaining too much power and the emperor has a hard time with that. His so called “fundamental transformation” is nothing but a vestigial organ until he can first transform our system of government into an Oligarchy. He wants full and total control of every mechanism of government so he can implement his vision. Ho Boy. The Senate, the House of Representatives and the Supreme Court are nothing more then frustrating obstacles that are getting underfoot and blocking his path to Marxist Utopia.

Obama has done a great disservice to the highest office in the land and should be ashamed if he was not so entirely in love with himself. He has divided us by race, gender and class. He insults the great institutions of our country and has weakened our reputation all over the world. He is trying to succeed where Woodrow Wilson and the progressives failed because he knows the time is ripe. He has filled his executive office with “Czars” who do not report to congress and were not confirmed by the Senate. He has shown total disdain for the legislative branch and is not well liked by most in his own party, save for a few wacked out clowns like Pelosi, Reid and Wasserman Schultz.

I took a college course long ago called, “Psychopathology in Politics”. This course involved an intense study of histories most tyrannical, evil and violent leaders and dissected their paths to power and the circumstances that allowed them to impose their will on a nation. In this country today I see a weak economy, high unemployment, a fractured national identity, a large government dependency, financial chaos, desperate fiscal policy, internal division and hate. If I had my old college notes it would make my skin crawl. We opened the door for someone like the emperor. We are primed for the likes of him. It’s happened before………..

We should be more grateful now then ever for our Constitution and our system of government. It may not be perfect, but it is necessary. Our constitution does not allow someone like the emperor to act out of policy for long. The same checks and balances that often produce frustrating gridlock and constant bickering also prevents the successful rise of tyrannical leadership. Even if enough fools can be gathered to re-elect the emperor, he will at stories end, fail. I have faith in the lessons of history because no matter how weak and susceptible a country becomes, the one who takes advantage eventually fails miserably.   

CHILDREN LEARN THE DARNDEST THINGS

Liberals are in love with the idea that they are sophisticated and highly intellectual. They bathe in the nuanced and seldom allow issues they strongly support to boil down to anything more complicated then “nice” or “mean”. This makes liberalism quite simplistic and explains clearly why liberals themselves are often ill equipped to deal with complex issues.

It occurred to me recently that liberal, left wing thinking might actually be inferior in many respects to that of children. Not because it’s embarrassing to watch adults who view themselves as intellectually superior thinking like little kids, but because in many ways a child can comprehend ideas that liberals simply cannot.

As a child I remember protesting that life was not fair when things didn’t go down the right way. Almost without exception I was rewarded with, “Life’s not fair” in return. Most kids like me came to understand early on that “fair” was completely arbitrary and depended primarily on whose butt was in a ringer. What is “fair” to one person can be perceived as “unfair” to another and this can be a big problem when the government starts getting involved in deciding what is “fair”. When that government over steps it constitutional authority and decides that “fair” is synonymous with doing favors for the politically well-connected or promoting certain voting constituencies, there will be those who declare that to be “unfair”. Listen to the children my dear liberal friends; life will never be “fair” and trying to make it so is an “unfair” exercise in Utopianism and as many San Franciscan’s are finding out, leads to universal misery.

When I was ten years old I placed second in the Punt, Pass and Kick competition and got a trophy. Most of the other kids went home without one. But every kid out there who went home empty handed knew one thing was certain; life is a competition on almost every level and there are winners and losers. Children know that everyone cannot be at the same level, why don’t liberals? You don’t get a trophy for losing and you shouldn’t, because a trophy becomes worthless if everybody gets one. P.J. O’Rourke once stated, “There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And it comes with the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.”  So if you’re a secretary and don’t think its right that a dentist makes more money then you, become a dentist. If you want to sit around and watch Oprah and Judge Judy all day but want the same amount of money as someone who is working 50 hours a week then that’s too bad, but that’s too bad for you. You made your choice as to what you value more. Nobody owes you anything. Children know that some people are born with better looks, more athletic ability, more intelligence or richer parents. They also know that giving trophies to everyone is non sense and makes everyone mediocre…Listen to the children Mr. and Mrs. Liberal.

I always liked watching superhero cartoons and shows as a kid. I liked them because someone was usually put in danger and the superhero either saved them or helped them overcome the danger through hard work or acts of virtue. Superheroes were the epitome of goodness and they lifted people up to protect others and right wrongs.

Liberals seem to sneer at goodness and virtue. They undercut Christianity every chance they get and will not under any circumstances enforce moral standards. Liberals cannot judge people for behaving badly and those that do are “mean”. They prefer to enforce their pseudo-morality by using terms such as “nice” or “tolerant”. Children know that being good requires a moral code. Children for the most part know right and wrong. Children know that heroes are the people who make this country work, the people who stand up for what’s right and unfortunately what they will later discover is they are also generally the same good people who liberals hold in complete and utter contempt.

I used to drive my mom crazy at the store when I was a boy. I asked her to buy me something about every two minutes. Most, but not all of the time she said no. It didn’t take me that long to figure out that I couldn’t have everything I wanted. This is something most kids learned. Why can’t liberals?

If Liberals decide that something is a ‘good idea’ then it should be funded by the government, regardless of cost and regardless of whether it’s worth the money. Liberals must honestly believe that the government has an infinite amount of money, thus anyone opposing their spending ideas for any reason is “mean”. The United States actually has a higher per person debt load then Greece, a country that still exists only because other countries are paying their bills. When we run out of money will liberals take to the streets and start lobbing rocks and Molotov cocktails while blaming everyone but themselves for spending the country into oblivion? Just like their emperor, you bet they will.

So life’s not fair, good people should be admired, nobody owes you anything and not everyone gets a trophy. Most children have these life lessons learned by the time they are ten. When will liberals figure it out?