TRUTHS ACCORDING TO MIKE

I recently had a conversation with a very wise man who shared with me his knowledge and insight. I listened carefully to this man. He possessed a wealth of information and I knew all to well that opportunities such as this were unusual and precious. After he finished, he solicited my thoughts. As I spoke, the intensity of his interest in my words increased my desire to share more. I spoke to him at length about life and love, politics and the passions. I offered him my theories on the essence of human kind, the future of our species and my terrific disdain for mayonnaise.

When I finished, he spoke again only this time he told me I must return to my life and share myself with others so that they may receive the benefit of my valued insights. He said I had been one of the chosen, a member of a select group of people throughout our society who tell the tale of truth for those who cannot see and paint the picture of virtue for those who cannot hear. He called us, “Bloggers”.  

I was reluctant to part company with this wise man but my destiny had been set. I walked out of the bar into the brutal mid morning sun and departed. A renewed sense of ultimate purpose and passion rifled through my veins and I did not want to let the bartender down so I returned home and worked throughout the day and into the evening. I pulled and tugged at the linings of my soul to bring out and document all that was within me. In the wee hours of the night I finished, exhausted and alone but whole. It was all there; pages filled with the wisdoms of our time as seen through my eyes; Thoughts, opinions and declarative statements reflecting every imaginable subject.

So today I begin a series From the Balcony called “Truths According to Mike.” These self developed truths will surface every now in then when the need arises and the time is right for a particular topic. You may or may not agree with my observations; you may have observations of your own. If so, go see Willy the bartender and you to may be so ordained.

 Well the time is right and so I humbly offer you the first installment of:

                                   

                             Truths According to Mike---Politics    

1. Neither the Republican nor Democratic parties really want to solve the illegal immigration problem. Democrats want to generate an increased voting block and Republicans want cheap labor. A legitimate border, a much better citizenship process, some compassion and some guts will do it.
2. With regards to elections. The most indecisive, uninformed, unaware, least knowledgeable voters end up determining the winner because they watch network news and go to the polls and vote for whoever will feed them.
3. Politicians are much more concerned about keeping their well paying prestigious jobs than they are about you, me or this country. Both sides. They will support bad legislation, even if its not the right thing for America if it enhances the likelihood of their re-election.
4. Liberal politicians always promise to be moderates and then shed their sheep’s clothing when elected. Republicans always promise to be conservative and then run right to the middle after the election.
5. Americans whine about dishonest politicians, which are now just a redundancy, but then turn right around and vote for whoever tells them what they want to hear.
6. Politicians are not overly concerned about bankrupting the country like you and I. They have so much money and influence that if things get really bad they can just leave.
7. Being “right” is meaningless in politics. As a general rule, sound bites beat out solid arguments, emotions trumps logic, negative ads are more effective then positive ads, lies do better then the truth and wrong and easy beat out right and hard.
8. Most Americans have at best a very limited understanding of economics, history and the way our system of government works. That’s why many politicians can get away with talking to us like we are idiots.
9. Almost half the citizens of this country are receiving government support of some type while only half the citizens of this country are paying taxes. If we do not curtail massive entitlement programs, cut our spending and increase taxes…we will sentence countless future generations of loved ones to economic hardships and suffering. For that matter we already have. It is unforgivable.  
10.  I believe the quote from Joseph Goebbels explains succinctly the core belief of the Democratic Party strategy, “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe.”
11. The Republicans constantly demonize government as too large with out of control spending.  Then they get into office and grow the size of government and spend more money.
12. With regards to anything political, you will never hear anything close to the truth from major media outlets. They have long ago ceased to serve as reporters of events and have unfortunately devolved into propaganda services for the left. The truth is out there, you just have to dig a little deeper then before.
13. We no longer enjoy anything close to a representative government. It is long gone and won’t be back until something really ugly happens first.

Adieu

A LINE IN THE SAND

Three cheers for small business owner Chris McMurray and his wife Kelley of New River Valley Virginia. Chris and Kelley are the owners of “Crumb and Get It”, a bakery they just opened together three months ago in May. This last Wednesday morning, advance teams for Vice President Joe Biden goose stepped into their bakery and announced with scroll and trumpet that the VP Joe Biden was coming to town today and would be gracing their business with his presence. Chris approached the advance team leader and told her that “Crumb and Get It” is a mom and pop store. Literally. Chris and Kelley run the place by themselves and need all the business they can get.

The Vice President’s entourage then got to the point with Chris. The advance team leader informed him that they selected “Crumb and Get It” to be the VP’s stop on his way to Blacksburg and wanted to make certain it was ok. Chris was told that this would be an opportunity of a lifetime and his business would most likely receive nationwide attention from the press.  Chris replied, “No offense to you or the campaign but I just decline you guys coming in here”. The advance team leader was halted by this reaction and asked, “Are you sure? This is the Vice President.”

Now why would a subject of the emperor’s kingdom turn down a photo opportunity with the Vice president of the United States? The exposure would provide a much needed boost for their small business. Apparently it had something to do with the emperor’s recent insults to the hard working small business owners of this country, The backbone of our economy. Chris McMurray couldn’t stomach the comments from the emperor about small business owners and who built what. “Very simply, ‘you didn’t build that’” Chris’s wife Kelley had been up all night working to get the business ready for the next day. She was up for 24 hours and got no sleep. Quite simply, the person currently holding the office of the President or his bumble mouthed Veep would not be given the opportunity to set foot in Chris and Kelley’s establishment; their pride and joy. The bakery represented their dream. They scrimped and saved, planned and prepared and worked their asses off to open a small business and make a go of it. They built it.

After “Crumb and Get It” turned the VP down, “River City Grill” just around the corner said yes and took advantage of the opportunity to take photos and drape them all over their bar. They didn’t care about the politics. Chris Bell, River City Grill owner said he didn’t care who walked into his restaurant, just as long as they brought their money. Fair enough I guess, but this little drama took an interesting and fascinating turn that made my belly button pucker and unpucker with glee.

The Vice President’s Secret Service agents, in a unified show of gratitude, strolled into Chris and Kelley’s bakery and bought nearly every cupcake they had. It was kept out of the larger media feeds by the VP’s minions but a smaller local news report did not let the gesture go unreported or unappreciated. “Shortly after Crumb and Get It told Biden’s advance people ‘no’--- the secret service walked in and told owner Chris McMurray ‘Thanks for standing up and saying no”. Then they bought a whole bunch of cookies and cupcakes.”

The secret service’s purchases then touched off a buying frenzy from the locals who turned out to show their support for two courageous small business owners who do not accept the divisive nature of our histories worst president. They bought the place dry by noon the next day.

The secret service overtly rewarded this small business owner for “standing up” to the leader they’re sworn to protect, but obviously don’t respect too terribly much. They were bold about it to. That speaks volumes. I certainly hope Chris and Kelley have their taxes in order; the emperor doesn’t take too well to this kind of independent behavior from the proletariat.

It is uplifting when the silent majority speaks. I’m talking about the hard working, tax paying, law abiding, charitable people who represent the best of what The United States of America stands for. When the owner of Chic Fil-A restaurant was attacked by gay activists for not supporting gay marriage, they threatened to boycott and have a “Kiss in”. The reaction by the silent majority was swift and impressive. Without a lot of blithering, crying and threats of violence or protest, American citizens from all over the country who still believe in the constitutionally provided freedom of religion and speech, went to their local Chic Fil-A restaurants by the hundreds of thousands and flooded the food chain with millions of dollars of business as a show of support and a clear message to gay activists. The ensuing “kiss in” protest two days later consisted of a few dozen gay couples taking pictures of themselves kissing in front of the chicken restaurant. The silent majority had by then returned to their jobs, quiet and resolved.

I hope these same quiet, resolved citizens show up for another vastly more important show of support this November.

THE INSANITY OF IT ALL

I spent the last few months cycling hundreds of miles in preparation for a challenging bike event that I recently completed in July. After it was over, saddle sore and traumatized by having cycled for over 11 hours climbing 16,000 feet over five mountain passes and 130 miles, I decided to give my big butt a break from the saddle and do something completely different for awhile. My daughter, coincidentally, had recently mentioned during a dinner time conversation that she bought an exercise program video about a year ago but never had the opportunity to utilize it. She said it was called the “Insanity workout”.

Now Insanity can be great name for a workout if you are among the legions of hardcore fitness buffs that grate cheese on their abs and have chiseled muscles that reflect light like a diamond. I don’t fit that description by any means. I’m 52 years old, weigh 230 pounds and have more scars on my body then the exercise instructor has years on earth.  OH….and I grate my cheese with a metal can and generally block out more light then I reflect.

Insanity is and of itself  a fascinating word, with as many interpretations as there are people claiming to be so afflicted and if someone were to call me insane I would laugh hysterically at nothing in particular while nervously rolling steel balls in my hand. But a workout dubbed Insanity? That has my name all over it!

So father and daughter rose at the crack of dark and slammed the first workout DVD into action. The video started by explaining to us that this program was an intense exercise experience and only those fit enough to handle the stress of such a work out should proceed. This was immediately followed by a listing of all previous injuries that would instantly disqualify one from participating at all. I checked and confirmed that I had every single injury listed. I then instructed my workout partner to start that bad boy so we could get it on!

Thirty seconds later we were doing flying Hitler kicks when my back went stiff as a granite slab. I wobbled like a weeble and fell to my side while sheepishly asking my partner to hit the pause button. It seems I just needed to stretch a little first I guess. Not a big deal. I worked the kinks out, let out a manly grunt and told my partner in fitness to start again. Let’s do this thang!

It was about a minute later when my cartilage free left knee advised me it was not going to participate in the side to side jungle bounding experinece. Pause please. It was simply a matter of adjusting my routine as I saw it from bounding, which does seems rather violent, to soft knee bends! With that I was good to go and told my padna to fire that puppy up!

Thirty seconds later my right ankle gave out doing suicide Burpees. Pause!! Too many bad landings playing college basketball I explained. I just needed to rotate it around a little here and there until it lined back up with the rest of my bones. Ok…feels about right…..Are you ready to get fit now partner? Hit it!

Pause!!!!!  Are you thirsty honey? cuz I’m really thirsty for some reason. Let’s take a quick water break. Hydration is vital for intense exercise like this so we should make sure we drink enough. Trust me….I’m an experienced athlete!

We eventually started a fitness test to establish our base line level and track our progress throughout the eight week program. I was supposed to count my repetitions and write them down after each test but for some reason I can no longer do one armed, single leg, alligator lunges and count at the same time. I quietly made up a number and reported it to my daughter, who called bullshit on me with her look at the same time the fitness stud on TV announced his number and it was ten less then mine. My bad. Water break!

The video eventually ended and we celebrated our first workout. I crawled up the stairs and rolled into the shower stall to finish bleeding out and have a good cry. I’m sure my daughter was pretty impressed with my performance, being an athlete and all. I didn’t want her to be intimidated by my presence or scared away from this program by such a strenuous first workout so after my shower I asked if she would be more comfortable starting with something more along the lines of the Jane Fonda Butt Blaster or the Richard Simmons Super Sweatin Party.  Wouldn’t you know it…she chose to stick it out with the Insanity work out! What a trooper! I’m so proud! Isn’t that great……

I'm sure it gets easier…………..